Just a little update...

It's been a while since I've gotten on here and written, oops! Life has been kinda LOCO the last couple months, seems like we're constantly on the go and doing something. I remember being busy in Nicaragua and when we'd get home from a long day of work, we'd knock our shoes off and plop on the couch and just rest for a while. I miss that, a lot. I miss getting up in the mornings wondering how my day was going to go, would I make it to the base without my heart rate racing for fear I'd get pulled over by the policemen who stand by the road stopping people to make sure they had the correct papers and everything, would I see the ladies out front of our Residential cooking away making the workers breakfast and their hands slapping those tortillas on the pan, I miss all the people standing along side the road waiting for the buses to stop and pick them up so they can go about their merry way, I miss looking to the right side of the road to admire all the lovely wood work I thought would look so cute in our house, I miss pulling into the base and walking in through the doors at all the new faces of team members who arrived the night before, wondering what's going to happen next, what will the food taste like, how is our day going to go, what will the people be like, and all the fun things that run through their heads. I miss going back into the kitchen and giving my awesome friends hugs every morning and saying "Buenos dias". I could go on and on about all the things I miss, probably the thing I miss the most is the people I got to know and love so much in the communities and the staff, ok so that's two things :) 

If you haven't figured it out yet, I miss Nicaragua, our second home. That's where the other part of my heart is and it will forever be there <3 

People have asked "how are you doing with being back? Are you adjusted yet?". I think slowly but surely I'm getting there, I mean it's a process right, everything isn't going to just come back, our lives are forever changed and we're different people now, so much is different and that's OK :) I'm having to remind myself a lot lately, it's OK, it's OK if I still get overwhelmed when going grocery shopping and there's a bazillion different choices of toothpaste, or Ranch dressings, and the list goes on and on......Yes, it's been 5 months now and I still get overwhelmed and that's OK. 


^ ^^^That's what I started to write in January and clearly I didn't finish it and clearly it's April now and A LOT has happened since I last visited my blog. In February Caleb and I got to go to Guatemala where our dear friends Austin & Jill live and are serving with SI there. It was a beautiful time and we're so blessed to have experienced all we did...

  
Today marks 3 years since we landed in Nicaragua "together" to live. I was thinking yesterday about how we were saying our last "see you laters" for a while, thinking about the emotions I was experiencing, wow! So crazy to think it's been 3 years now. To be honest, I wasn't sure how long we would live in Nicaragua, and how often I would get to see my loved ones, but we were SO BLESSED by a lot of visitors, both family and friends <3 <3 God provided and it was such a growing time for us both. If you would ask us if we'd do it all over again, we would definitely say yes, it's a life changing experience that we will forever be grateful for. 

Where am I ate now with this whole 'adjusting to being back?" I am in a much better spot, things aren't so overwhelming like they used to be, on April 26th, it will be 8 months of being back, it's SO hard to imagine it's been that long already, there's still a few things that we're trying to figure out, like managing our time together, with being farmers, it's rather difficult to find time for each other, so we're still working on that :) Good luck with planting around the corner right ;) Hahaha, but I've been helping a lot and I really enjoy it, I've been taking care of the pig chores, so that's been stinky, I mean fun :) 

Our youth group just got back from Nicaragua for a week and it's been so fun listening to their stories and hearing them talk about the people and knowing who it is and how much fun they had :) We even got a few treats from Nicaragua from our second family <3 So amazing!!!! We are so excited that they all got to go and experience it, a few second & third timers and a lot of firsts, so I've enjoyed seeing all their pictures <3 <3 


Some people have been wondering when we're going to start a family :) It's really a great question cause I wonder a lot too, but keep trusting God that His Timing is perfect. I recently went to the Doctor a few weeks ago and my new Doctor wanted to run some more labs, and a week later I got a call saying all the tests came back looking good, so there's a few more steps that I need to do and we'll see what happens after that. It's so hard being patient, you'd think after waiting so long, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I guess not lol. God's timing is so perfect and yes waiting has been so hard,  an emotional roller coaster, but I know in the end, everything will be worth it <3 Psalm 37:4 <3 


Sorry it's been so long since I've shared, life is just so crazy and it's annoying sometimes because I told myself I wasn't going to be like this when we'd move back, but somehow that hasn't worked so well. Anyhow, hopefully I can do better at this updating :) 


Thanks for reading and caring <3      



 Just a view of my favorite pictures from Guatemala <3

This sweet lady, we met her in Colorado at MTI training and she's living in Guate as a missionary. So glad we ran into her. We love you Susan <3

Guatemala 2016

Caleb helping Meme in the AG & Vet site.

Walking around Antigua with some great peeps <3 Had to stop and get ice cream of course

So blessed to call her my friend <3

All dressed up for a wedding :)

A really really cool God Story

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11 

I thought I'd take some time and tell you a little bit about what God has been doing in our lives as far as Caleb's job goes. When we were in Nicaragua and had made the decision to come back to the States after our commitment was up, Caleb had said many times that he wasn't going to farm, he wanted to try something different. He actually had A LOT of job opportunities when we came back, what a blessing. One of his friends works for this trash hauling company in Elkhart and he thought that sounded like a good opportunity for him. We get back to the States, and even more opportunities came up, but he didn't feel like that's what God had for him, and was pretty set on working for this trash hauling company. So, he goes and puts an application in, he met the owner and some other top dogs (I guess that doesn’t usually happen) and they loved all his abilities and told him he was pretty much hired and that he just needed to do the drug test and background check. They gave him a start date on when to come in and everything, this all happened on a Monday. 

The next day, Tuesday, I went to Grief Share with my dad and sister. I was so close to not going, but I knew that it helped my family SO much when they all went after Kody died, and I figured it would help me with my grief. So I went and during that time my dad introduced me and said I was the one that was in Nicaragua with my husband, Caleb, and we recently returned back to the States. At that point it was only a week that we were back. So after the video, Stan, the leader for that evening, came up to me and just asked questions about what we did there in Nicaragua and we talked for a bit. After the meeting was over, Stan came over to my dad and asked for Caleb's number, he said he wants to talk to him because he’s going to hire him…my dad was like umm, you've never met this guy before! So, we get home, and dad tells Caleb about it, and Caleb's like "oh, he probably won't call". Well, 7am rolls around the next morning, Wednesday, and Caleb answers. Stan pretty much just asked if he'd be willing to come down and see what Stan has to offer and talk to him. So Caleb get's off the phone and tells me about it, and asks if we had anything going that day. I said no, so he's like well maybe I'll go, just to see what he has to offer and I said, ok sounds good. So he calls Stan back and says he'll be on his way in 10 minutes. Caleb pretty much spent the whole day talking to Stan, comes back and tells me this CRAZY idea that they have for Caleb, he would work for 1 year to see if this is what God has for us, and if so, continue on working for 10 years, and possibly take over the farm. Stan said that they've been praying for someone like Caleb for 4 years, WOW!!!! That's just been something that throughout this whole process has just wowed me. Their faithfulness in praying for FOUR years. So Caleb said that Stan would like me to come down the following day and see the house we'd live in and the farms, and talk and ask questions. So, we both went down Thursday and again, marveled at how good God is and answering their prayers. They both made it super clear that they wanted us to be in the center of God's Will and that if this wasn't going to work out, it was OK. Stan told us that he had been having some issues with his hand and that they were going the following week to get it checked out and hopefully they'll know what's going on. So we visited for a few hours, checked out the farm house we'd live in and talked more details about what the future could look like. So we said we'd continue to pray about and we left.

 Friday comes around and Caleb woke up and felt at peace with this farming thing so he called the trash hauling company and told them that he has another opportunity that he feels he's suppose to do. Of course they were disappointed but told him if it didn't work out that he would have a job waiting for him. So after he gets off the phone with them he calls Stan to tell him he'll accept the farming job and he was to start work on Wednesday of the following week. Stan called Caleb over the weekend to see if he would wait to start until Thursday because Stan had a Doctor appointment about his hand. So Wednesday rolls around and Caleb and I had just finished lunch with a friend and her little boy and Stan calls Caleb, and I could see that something was wrong because Caleb's face totally changed and so he gets off the phone and tells me that Stan just found out he has ALS. He said it was a hard phone call and a lot of things are going to look different now. Which is totally understandable. So, Caleb goes to work on Thursday, processing things with Stan and what things might look like now. Stan decided to take his family on a big family vacation for two weeks…WHO leaves their entire farm to a stranger??? Stan has said many times how it feels like we've known each other for years, it's amazing how God has worked this all out thus far. 

So Stan and his family left for California on a Friday afternoon, and Caleb started harvest the following Tuesday. I was so worried that Caleb would be stressed about everything, and I asked him about it, and he's like "nope, I'm living in peace"....WOW, God is SO good. God gave Caleb so much strength and peace during this whole thing, I know I would have went insane if it was me. But yeah, Caleb did an awesome job. So Stan's are gone for 2 weeks, they come back, and Stan has been busy spending time with family and friends, figuring out things to make sure his family is taken care of when he's gone. I'm amazed every time I see Stan, he doesn't look like a dying man, he looks like a man full of peace and wants to make the best of what life he has left. So Caleb has been working for Stan since September and he loves it. We're excited to see what all God has for us, and also our hearts are broken at the circumstances, but we know that God brought us together for a reason, and He will continue to show Himself strong. 


We love Stan & Alvera and are so honored and blessed to be apart of their farm and family, it feels like we've known them for forever. Two of the younger boys have spent a lot of time with Caleb and it's so fun to watch him with them.  


Please pray for Stan, Alvera and their children during this difficult time. Pray that God would wrap His loving arms around them all, and that God would give them all the strength and peace they need.

|| Life in the USA 2015 ||

Trusting God!!!!!

 Greetings from the Fletcher's. It's been a while since we did a blog update. A lot has happened since April. We had our busy Summer of teams, it was craziness, but really amazing too. God definitely showed up in the lives of the people that came through SI Nicaragua. It's always a Joy to see lives transformed into the likeness of Christ, ( that's the Vision) watching someone come through those doors, and watching them walk out, changed, it's awesome!!!!! God is so good. 
  
Summer teams came and went, Caleb and I were busy preparing to head back to the States, along with fulfilling our other tasks, and teaching others about how to do the things we did. It was definitely a busy Summer, I was doing Media solo, last Summer I had an amazing intern to help me. So this Summer looked a lot differently, a lot of times I felt overwhelmed, but God always took care of me. Towards the end, I had Miah Mattson help me, which was a big blessing, it was fun hanging out with her and teaching her a few things, she's such a sweet girl and I know that she'll do great at whatever she does. Her family moved to Nicaragua in April of this year, it was so fun to watch their family in their Journey. The first year Caleb and I helped with teams, Spencer and Michelle Mattson came with their church, and the following year, they came with their family, and the following year, they moved to Nicaragua, it's been a crazy journey for them, and we were so blessed to be able to spend time with them and got to know them better before we headed back to the States. We're excited to see what God has in store for them. 

Miah & I out getting footage. 

After Summer teams were over, we had a week of Vacation, it was good. We got to spend a couple days at the Beach in San Juan del Sur with Austin & Jill Hofsommer. It was very nice just spending time with them, talking about God and all the things that happened in our lives during this journey of life in Nicaragua, it was a good "ending" time and we were glad we got to spend it with them. 


The last week that we were in Nicaragua, we packed up our house and we moved into the base. It was kinda neat because when we first moved to Nicaragua, that's where it all started, living at the base, we did that for a little over a year. And than we moved into our own little house about 5 minutes away. So we ended where we started :) The last weekend we were there, all our staff and their families went to the Young Life Camp in Northern Nicaragua for a couple days. Paul Jorgenson from Minnesota talked about the Armor of God, it was a powerful weekend. 

We got back Sunday night, and Monday & Tuesday were just filled with getting last minute projects done, spending time with our SI family, packing, meeting the new Fall Semester students, packing, eating at our favorite place, packing, saying goodbyes, did I mention packing? Hahaha, we did a lot of re organizing since we packed up our house and threw stuff into suitcases and than re did a lot of it once we get back from the Staff Retreat. We were able to bring pretty much everything we wanted, in the end I got rid of some clothes, but that's pretty much it. We came back with 5 suitcases, 2 carry-on's, backpack and a large oversized purse :) Everything went well, all our bags made it safe and sound, two pieces of my Pottery broke, I was pretty bummed about that, but my mom came up with a really cool idea on how to use them. 

It's been two weeks of being back in the States. The first week was pretty rough, the first couple days were really hard. I dealt with lots of anxiety, feeling like we needed to see all our friends, get things done, get things to take back to Nicaragua, and realizing, we weren't going back, this is home now, it was really hard to switch that mind set, because before, it was always that way, we need to do this or we need to do that before we go back to Nicaragua. 

It's a lot better now, I definitely don't feel that way anymore, it's still a work n progress on actually believing that we're here to stay. Getting used to the American way of living, while keeping everything we learned and everything that's changed in us, it's definitely hard and we are fighting to stay the people we've become, to stay connected with God on the levels we've connected with Him, you definitely learn to lean on Him, and not others when your living in another Country, and the only thing you have some days is Him. We don't want the ways of this world to change us, just because we moved back to the States, doesn't mean we're going to be the people we used to be, NO. We are going to be the people that we've become over the past two and a half years, some days it might feel easier to just be the old people, but that's not our desire. We want to be a light for Jesus and serve others. 

We've been living with my parents and are so grateful for their willingness to let us stay with them. <3 

It's been good to be around family and friends, we've had a lot of fun seeing people and what not. This past weekend we went camping with my family and some church family, that was fun. Here's some pictures from that weekend....

Caleb doing what he LOVES when we go camping. So tasty.

Galen, Caleb and dad husking the corn for the big pot boil

Mom did a great job, everything tasted so GOOD.

JOY in my heart <3

It aint' camping if you ain't playing Phase Ten.

When we left Nicaragua, I left a lot of little pieces of my heart there. It was really hard to leave my kiddos who I connected with over the past two and a half years. So this past weekend, I was able to connect with some special kiddos and just love on them, it did my heart good <3

On August 26th when we arrived in Atlanta, I was sitting on the floor charging my phone when Caleb said "hey babe, I think those are Duck Dynasty people". I was like pssshh whatever, so I get up and sure enough, Miss Sadie Robertson, and her mother Korie in the airport getting some coffee, so I jumped up and walked over to them with my heart pounding, and asked if I could get a picture with them. Of course they said yes, so Korie took a picture of me and Sadie, they are sweet people.

Miss Sadie and I at the Atlanta airport :) 

So, we landed in South Bend a little before 5pm. My parents, sisters, grandma, aunt and uncle were there to greet us. Grabbed our luggage and headed for home. We had a supper and some more family showed up, it was nice <3 

WOOHOO!!!! <3

Some of the Fletcher's stopped in to see us on their way back from northern MI. So that was fun to see them.

Family time

 We just want to say thank you to all our family and friends who have supported us, financially, prayers, love, ect, since this Journey started back in 2010, when we said "yes". We are excited to see what God has for us in this next phase of life. Please continue to pray for us, during these next coming months as we continue to figure out a new normal and start our new lives here in the USA!!!! <3 

I started a new Journal for this new Journey we're on, excited to see what God has in store of us <3 Trusting Him!

Our first Sunday back, Lisa Smith asked me if I'd be willing to share about 20 minutes at the Woman to Woman event on Monday night. I was NERVOUS and to be honest, my brain was like "HECK NO", I don't like speaking in front of people, but I said yes. So all day Monday I was preparing and reading my Journals, it was good to just remember all the good times, and hard times and see how God worked. Monday night came, and I wasn't really nervous when I got there, I had a peace, so I was thankful for that. We sang two songs, and than it was my turn, it went really good and I was glad I did it <3 I guess I spoke for 40 minutes, LOL. And here I was worried about the whole 20 minutes, I was thinking, oh maybe 10 minutes, hahaha!!!! Good one!!! :) 

Photo credit goes to Malyn. Thanks girl.

When I walked in, there was only a couple ladies, so I was like "ok Krista, you can do this". Than when I got up in front of everyone, somehow the crowd got bigger :)

Pray for Caleb, today is his first day working at his new job. He's excited and nervous all at the same time. Pray for protection, strength, guidance, wisdom <3 He'll be farming with a guy from Goshen.

                                                            God Bless you all <3 With mucho Love
                                                                            The Fletcher's.

My God Encounter!!

Been thinking a lot about even blogging this just because, I don't know why.....Wonder what people will think or do or say.....But lately, I've just felt super strongly that I need to get this done.....So, here it goes.

I'm sure a lot of you have already read my other blog I posted on January 13th entitled "From my heart to yours". Pretty much everything I felt from my cousins death to a lot of other things that happened in the month of December.

Since then, a lot of other things have happened, some good, some bad, some ugly, some down right awful, things I wish never happened, but because of where I was in that point of my life, it did. Have I learned a lot? Yup, sure have. Buckle your seatbelt, it's about to get real.

Since posting that blog, I really thought I was "OK"......I kept telling myself I was, but in my heart I knew I wasn't. Lots of fears pouring over me, feelings of never wanting children because of watching my aunt Naomi mourn over this precious child who was killed, or one of my friends losing their daughter at birth....Just soooo many thoughts of something bad happening if we ever decided to have children. The devil used dreams to put more fear into my head. One of my worst fears is getting a phone call saying that one of my family members was killed, and in two months time, I had 4 dreams that 4 of my family members died, and the most recent dream I had was that we had twin boys and one of them died suddenly. I know that when we focus on things, a lot of times we have dreams about it, and I know that's what I was focusing on and I also know that the devil was abusing it, a lot. I was able to talk to some other people about what I was experiencing with my dreams and got a lot of encouragement. I tried really hard not to be afraid, but something inside wouldn't allow me to fully get over it.

Since January, I started becoming more and more angry, bitter, upset, unhappy, not really taking charge and getting into the word of God. I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready to talk to God. I was hurt, broken, shattered, and at that moment I felt like He didn't care. But boy was I wrong. He would do little things to show me that He loved me, even if I was angry and bitter, even if I didn't read my Bible everyday, even if I screamed at Him because I was so MAD at Him. I spent many, many nights crying, bawling at our kitchen table because I didn't understand WHY Kody died......WHY my family? WHY did Kody die? Things I asked many, many times, feeling like I never got an answer, feeling alone in this journey of grief. Feeling hopeless, feeling empty. I remember being reminded by certain people to just dig into the Word of God, but honestly, I didn't want to because I was still so angry at Him. Someone told me to listen to worship music, and some days I did, and it felt somewhat good. Other days I'd just listen to sappy Country music, or other junk I never listen too, but i was angry, so I didn't care how it made me feel.

This part I'm not proud of, I hate it so much, but I also know that I need to be honest because I feel so strongly about this. There were lots of times I'd take my anger out on Caleb, say a lot of things that really hurt him, words I can never take back. Times I wished I wasn't even married because life just seemed so much better like that, he doesn't understand me, he never will. He doesn't care, if he did, he wouldn't be saying those things. If he really cared, he would say this or do that, but he didn't, so that means he doesn't care at all. ((sidenote, I look back now and realize that I'm learning things even to this day, it's Ok to have bad days, and when our loved one is having a bad day, we need to love on them, not fight back, give them space, give them encouragement *at the right time*, then talk about it)). I also know that this whole grief process is soooo different for each of us, no person grieves the same, some can move on faster then others, while for some of us, it takes weeks, months and even years. And you know what, that's OK. NO ONE can tell you how fast or slow to take this process, you do it in your own time.

There were days when I'd get my devotional out, just to read it, to see if there was even anything in there to "help" me get through the day, or to even see if God really cared. HA! He did, because every time I opened it, something always made me feel like God cared, He really loves me, so why don't I just quit feeling this way, and get over these feelings of fear and just say "OK GOD, I TRUST YOU, TAKE IT ALL????"....But then right away my head went to "NO, I cannot say, ok God, I trust you". Because if I did that, what if something bad happened, what if I say that and then I get pregnant and have another miscarriage, or something bad happens to our child when he/she is older, or what if something happens to a family member or a close friend....I just can't, I'm not ready. My heart wants to, so bad, but there's still just so much fear. I can't do this. So then I'd just keep being angry, bitter, sad, mad, angry at the world for whatever reason it was that made me mad that certain day. Anything set me off, crazy drivers on the road, the way people would look at me, everything. It was ridiculous because I would let "that" ruin my day and then I'd come home a grouchy mess. And then Caleb would say 'what's wrong babe?" and of course I'd say "it doesn't matter, you don't care anyways".....Jeez Krista!

For months I was back and forth, back and forth. I had a lot of people sending me messages, saying they're praying for me, or just even thinking about me, it really, really meant a lot to me. My friends here would say encouraging things, tell me that they were here for me if I ever wanted/needed to talk. I'd take them up on their offer, and it felt good to just "talk it out". I had been talking to Maggie Slabach a couple different times during this process of grief and about being back in Nicaragua. She always, always encouraged me, and I always felt better coming out of our talks.

There were times that I felt like I was going to be able to say "ok God, I'm ready, here I am, I give you everything", but then I'd get distracted and say maybe next time, maybe the next time I open my Bible something will stick out to me and that'll be it. But it didn't happen, something almost always came up or I just decided I still wasn't ready....

A couple weeks before Easter, I told Maggie that I wanted to talk to her, let her know what was going on with me and just really searching for some answers. It didn't work out for our schedules and they left for Costa Rica for a few days. They returned, and we had a team arrive on April 6th. Well on April 5th (Easter) it was a bad day for me, that was one of the days where I said a lot of hurtful things to my husband and I wish I could take them back. But I can't. On Monday, I stayed at home all day, the team arrived early during the day, I think right around lunch time, but I didn't want to show my face because I was super upset from everything that happened the day before and to be honest, I didn't even want to do media that week, but I put my big girl pants on and went into the base for dinner that night. I think (ok, duh, I know) my emotions were all over my face because I wasn't happy, I didn't want to be there. Nate and Maggie arrived and of course I got a hug, and we just chatted a little bit and she asked me when it worked to meet that week because she knew I had asked before when we could meet...Thinking in my head, I wasn't even sure it would work that week because I only had 3 days to get media and put together a video for this team, but I figured Tuesday (next day) would work because it was the first day in sites for everyone and normally it's a little slower on the first day, so I would probably not have a lot of footage to organize that afternoon. So I said, Tuesday after sites would work for me, lets just make it work. So, we did. It felt like EVERYTHING went wrong that day, people were being stupid on the road, I was late to things because traffic was messed up, I couldn't make it to certain sites because they were to far away for my vehicle to go (which is why I need a moped, hint hint CALEB). LOL. So yes, bad day. So I drop people off at the base from sites and Maggie arrived soon after I did. We grabbed some water and chairs and headed outside.

Thinking back before this meeting, throughout the day, I thought to myself, Maggie is so wise and full of encouragement, I'm pretty sure I'll walk out of this chat, feeling a little better, and have some tools to make things better in my relationship with Caleb on how we can work together during this grief process. Because it felt like all we did was fight over silly things that normally didn't matter, but because of what our family experienced, everything changed.

So, I started talking, pretty much about everything leading up to that day (past 3 months) and how I was feeling angry again, she asked me a lot of questions, and we just talked it out. One of the things I remember telling her was for the past 3 months, I've had this feeling of anxiety, my chest feeling so full, hard and at times like it was going to explode. Towards the end, she asked me if we should pray, of course I said yes, ((thinking she was just going to be awesome like always and pray for me)), but no, it was different this time, she told me to go ahead and start ((and in my head, I'm a little thrown off because I wasn't planning on praying at all)). So she said to just ask God the hard questions, He wants it all, tell Him all you're feeling.....So I did, I prayed, asking Him to help me get through this, told Him I don't understand everything, help me! Then Maggie began praying, powerful things, praying for the feelings of my anxiety to leave, the things that weighed me down, and as she was praying I felt this sensation in my chest, being lifted from my body, my chest NO LONGER felt hard, I could actually breath and not feel like it was going to explode. I've never in my life experienced that before, it caught me off guard and I wasn't even sure what was happening, but I knew something happened because I felt different, so I told Maggie what was happening, tears running down my face. I said Maggie, I just felt something HEAVY leave my body, my chest isn't hard anymore, PRAISE GOD, THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!! I prayed, thanking Him for that experience....Maggie began praying again, and then I prayed, asking God to take away my hurts, my pains, I said "Ok God, here I am, I give you everything. Maggie started praying, asking God to take away my feelings of fear, anger, bitterness, etc.....As she was praying, I got this sensation of those feelings dripping off my arms, like when a candle stick is burning, and the wax drips off the side, that was the picture I got after it happened. Again, I was taken back because I've never ever ever experienced anything like that before, it was powerful, the Presence of God was there, I could FEEL it. God took away those feelings, gave me PEACE, I felt happy inside.....WOW!!!!! Gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. I remember being so overwhelmed, just rocking back n forth in my chair, all I could say was "wow, thank you God, thank you". Afterwards, we thanked God for that incredible life changing experience and hugged Going into this chat with Maggie, I never imagined it would end the way it did, LIFE CHANGING, POWERFUL, IMPACTING, PEACEFUL, HAPPY, FOREVER CHANGED!!!!

Not only did that amazing experience happen, I also got a lot of great tools to work with for working together in my marriage with Caleb and I, things to look out for, things to do and not to do when it gets emotional. I am forever grateful for that experience and I can honestly say that I'm a different person because of it, I don't feel angry, bitter, unhappy, lonely, full of anxiety, fear, NO....God took it ALL!!!!!! I am happy, my personal devotional times have been wonderful, every time it's always perfect, journaling what stood out to me, and spending time in prayer. I can tell a huge difference in how I react to things that normally bothered me and offended me before, it doesn't affect me like it used too. Wow, ONLY MY HEAVENLY FATHER CAN DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!!!!! I've been told that people can tell a difference, they can see that I have peace. Caleb tells me that he can tell a difference, it's amazing. Prayer is so POWERFUL....

Don't get me wrong, there have been days where the devil tries to pull me down, and uses the people I love most, but I fight back and he's NOT going to win anymore, BECAUSE I HAVE VICTORY!!

Just the other day I was deleting pictures off my laptop because it's become super slow (I have over 10,000 pictures) and came across Kody's viewing/funeral. I hadn't cried about Kody since receiving that peace, but in that moment, I started crying, it was a different cry though, it wasn't because I was angry or bitter, it was because I was sad, broken hearted that Kody isn't here with us anymore. Everything about it just felt different, it felt good, it felt free. Yes, I miss Kody so much and some days it doesn't seem real, but i know he's in Heaven, playing with our little Angel Babies, and one day we will see them all again

I don't know if this will make sense, or whatever but I just felt super strongly that I needed to share this, so there it is.

If your struggling, please, find someone you can trust and talk to that person, tell them everything, don't hold anything in because it will just eat you alive and you'll be so miserable. Through Jesus Christ, YOU CAN HAVE VICTORY....

VICTORY

AMEN

April 7th will be remembered as a life changing experience <3 <3